The last day of school for this year is Wednesday.

I'm looking forward to it but dreading it all at the same time.  I had a crazy mish-mash of students this year.  Lots of kidlets that did not do well together at all.  Love-hate relationships. 

At the end looking back, I see the vast amount of things I could do better, and I always wonder if I've failed.  And it never fails that i feel like I have.  I feel like I didn't do enough for my students academically, and I feel like I didn't do a good enough job helping them to understand how to get along with other people.  I feel like I "followed the book" too much this year.  I feel like I winged it too much. 

It depresses me, knowing how much I didn't do this year.  I mean, I know that our little "learning family" accomplished a bunch this year, but I still walk away feeling like my students taught me more than I taught them.

I know that next year is another year.  It will be my fifth year teaching next year (yikes!).  I'm excited for this summer because I'll be teaching summer school, and I hope that I can learn some more interventions for my students and some different strategies I can try with my kidlets that will maximize their learning in the time we have in our room together.

I'm excited for this summer because I get to go see my family in a week.  I'm excited because I get to spend some time with my husband.  I'm excited because I actually get TIME to plan for next year before it gets here.  I'm excited for a breather.  And I'm excited to go back in the fall and see how my students have grown over the summer and talk to their third grade teachers and see how much they learn as they go about growing up.

I'm sad, too, because I know that one of my students is going to another school.  We finally just got a diagnosis for him after struggling with his behaviors since Christmas.  He's going to another school for a special program.  I know I can contact his teacher next year, but...even though we drive each other nuts, I love him.  He's so smart, and he just has all this potential.  We have his IEP this week, and I'm excited to be part of planning for his learning next year.  I realize that being in my class wasn't the best for him, but I'm glad I got to be part of his life this year, and I hope I can continue to keep up with his progress as he grows.

I love them.  I know some of you think that's wrong, but I do.  I don't think a lot of learning can go on without a relationship, at least not at this age.  I'm going to miss them, but I'm going to relish the fact that I'll get to see them next year as they head to third grade.

So, Wednesday, I'll go to the store, and pick up the cake that says "Congratulations, Class of 2018."  I'll make the punch at 2:30, and when families show up, I'll hand out awards, and give out hugs.  And at 3:20 when the bell rings, I'll march them around the school building one last time, give out hugs and high-fives, wish them a wonderful summer, and try to pry my "clingers" off of me as we cry because we'll miss each other, and say goodbye.  It sucks.  I know it's something that has to be done.  And I know that most of them will be back as third grade Dragons next year.  But I'll miss them.  I'll miss them.  And it will suck.