It has been brought to my attention by a couple of bloggers lately that I am a very large woman. In fact, that little piece of information has been spouted over and over again by these certain bloggers. I haven't been called fat so many ways since elementary school.
I've always been a big girl. My family never departed from the typical "farm-family" meals. Home-grown meat, potatoes or some sort pasta, and a vegetable and kool-aid or milk. Not exactly condusive to a healthy weight.
As I've gotten older, I've tried to eat healthier, but that has backfired on me. I just love chocolate. And I don't have to ask my parents to buy it for me now, either, so its much more accessible.
This latest development has scared me. I do not want to be diabetic. I know that the majority of it is my own fault, with my poor dietary choices. The other little part is just the way my body chemistry works. So I'm doing something about it. I realize that I will NEVER be my "ideal" weight, which is probably like 130 or something. Right now, I'm focusing on making healthier food choices, being more physically active, and all around health.
During conferences, one of my students' moms came to me and told me that her daughter had broke down crying one night saying she was fat. The girl is 8 years old. And she's NOT fat. She is a bigger girl, tall for her age, and solidly built. But she eats healthy, she's active, and she's definitely NOT fat. It turns out that it's someone at home that's making her upset, not another student. I don't allow students to make fun of one another for ANY reason. But kids who make fun of one another because of their bodies...well...that's something that I take very, very seriously. I remember what it feels like to be teased because your body isn't the "norm." It's something that's followed me for twenty years, and I refuse to let that happen to my students.
See...here's the deal. I believe that we're all made differently for a reason. The world needs tall, thin people, short, thin people, tall, fat people, short fat people, brown people, bright white people, people with blue eyes, people with brown eyes, people with green eyes. My family always taught me to look inside for worth, not on the outside. Ugliness on the inside is, to me, much more substantial than "ugliness" on the outside. Ugliness on the inside is very, very difficult to remedy.
Honestly, it doesn't really bother me anymore. Adults who get off on the kind of stuff the aforementioned bloggers enjoy...I'm not going to go there. If you enjoy pointing out other people's physical flaws, that's fine. Petty and immature, but fine by me.
I can do plenty to remedy my fatness situation (and I am!), but you can never fix your ugly spirit. And that is a shame.